FUNKY SEXXXY XMAS GIFTS

With all the finding of advent calendar doors and complaining about lukewarm mulled wines, you’d be forgiven for forgetting there’s also some shopping to do.

And while it’s really fun visibly sweating in a huge department store on Christmas Eve spunking a tonne of money out of guilt because you spent December inside a mince pie and not enough time truly pondering what gifts to give, there is an altogether more smug experience.

It’s the one where you ponder and peruse. You happen upon that little gem of a gift. You know, in one of those little off piste streets. You know the one. Or in one of those little off piste trails on… Instagram. You know the one.

Aside from supporting local businesses, there’s the added bonus of it making you feel like an extra in a Richard Curtis film where you have quaint chats about how nice ceramics are. And then the other added bonus of being able to regale your friends and family with the tale of how you found it. Yes, it is a special little find, yes, you are the most thoughtful, yes everyone else is rubbish, yes your nipples are hard.

So let’s ponder the types of gems in our lives, and what gems might be THE gem for them. What about…

FOR YOUR FUN TIME GAL…

Tits, obviously. ‘Cos she fun and free and fabulous.

Their boobs (or YOUR boobs) on a pot for them? Yes. potyertitsaway

Nakeey magnetic women and tushhole incense holders and prints and coasters and everything with boobs and bushes. Yes  Liv and Dom

What’s more sisterhood than lady made ceramics with hairy painted legs? Thank you Nice Pear Ceramics.

FOR THE ADMIN QUEEN IN YOUR LIFE…

The most deliciously elaborate stationery you ever did see.  ‘Cos she organised, thoughtful and a handy lil besh.

Choosing Keeping in Covent Garden for all that tasty stuff.

Or Present and Correct, in Clerkenwell.

FOR YOUR SENSITIVE SOUL…

Words. And art. And words INSIDE art. ‘Cos she feels and loves and A-PREEE-CIATES things.

Charly Remy Cox is selling her handwritten poetry here. You can even ask for a custom made one.

Reminders to the important women in your life. Yes to Florence Given.

Or some heartfelt feminism?Yes Alice Skinner.

 FOR THE ALMIGHTY DO GOODER …

They’re campaigning on Instagram, always thinking of others and just all round GOOD people. Why not donate to a charity on their behalf? Make them (and you) feel great.

CrackandCider is an excellent charity that sells products people sleeping rough need. All you need to do is purchase and they do the rest.

Or help to end period poverty with Bloody Good Period by donating.

And this Christmas Choose Love in Carnaby Street is open again this year, a store where you can buy a useful bundle or package for a refugee.

FOR THE ONE WHO’S GOT EVERYTHING AND NOW JUST REALLY INTO BITS AND BOBS…

Mums, grannies, sisters, aunts… they’ll never turn their nose up at a gorgeous bit and bob. We’d head to Haygen or I Feel Smug, both one stop shops for beaut ceramics to jewellery to lush hand creams to re-heally good candles and all things in between. It’s like becoming Hygge, but on crack. All on Camden Passage, Islington, which has a lots more independent shops selling trinkets, as well as sensational undies at The Pantry Underwear… which you could get for yourself for being the most thoughtful and your nipples are hard.

 OKAY, GOOD CHRISTMASSING.